願你們平安

在受苦節的清晨讀到了這一段：

「真正的平安不在於避過厄困，或籍著自我封鎖、自我隔離於高危以外而獲得。真正的平安是在困難之中，看見耶穌確確實實的站在我們當中，向我們展示祂那被釘穿的手和被刺透的肋旁。那是祂捨命的記號，也是祂復活的印記，死而復活的主站在我們當中，把平安帶給活在恐懼中的我們。」

-- 劉國偉《市井聖徒》

First Christmas As A Father

2011 has been a very special year because of the birth of ToTo.  As we celebrate Christmas year after year, being a father for the first time has made me wonder if our Heavenly Father had ever told this to Jesus on this special day...

"My dear son, both you and I know, this is going to be tough...

... once you are born in blood and flesh, your physical nature will be limited on earth... this will need some getting used to...

... you will feel tired... you will feel hungry... and even distressed...

... you are going to do great wonders... you are going to change people's hearts...

... people will follow you, but when you need support the most, no one will be beside you...

... people will praise you, but eventually they will despise and reject you... and even put you on the cross...

... you will always have my full support... however, you are going to go through the toughest 33 years you've ever had...

... but you know... all these got to be done, because we love these people so much!  It's killing us to see them being tortured in sins, and we cannot just abandon them.  I have destroyed them with great flood before, and I am not going to do it again...

... my son, this is your call now..."

Looking at this from the angle of a father, it must be tough for God to give Jesus away knowing the hardships and dangers He had to go through.  But God, what were you thinking??  Giving a son away is not something a loving and responsible father would do!!

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD.

Isaiah 55:8

No wonder it meant so much to God when Abraham was willing to give Isaac away as a sacrifice.  Abraham’s action must have touched God so much as He was about to do the same for us.

This is the kind of love I would never fully understand, but just have to accept.

If only God allows, it would be my privilege to be molded by God to fulfill my role as a father to be used in His plan.  Maybe I am able to take part in helping ToTo with directions and resources to seek out his life mission.  If God ever rewards him for his work, I can remind God that, as a father, I deserve some credit, too!  :)

Getting Ready

My work schedule had been quite hectic recently.  While working for at least 10 hours a day on-site, I had been writing reports for other projects at home in the evenings and on weekends for the past 3 weeks!  I had never worked under such crazy schedule and stress.  Now I know how it feels like to be an elastic band being stretched like it had never been stretched before...

Tonight, PJ talked about being aware of the spiritual meanings behind everything that happened in our lives.  That was a good reminder for me at the right time.  In such busy schedule and tiring days, I could hardly find time to think deeply about the spiritual meanings behind all these.  God could have molded me for His purposes using different ways, including ways that I would never imagine, like making use of my crazy workload!!

We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.

Isaiah 64:8

I am not sure how things would work out, but knowing that there is a purpose behind all these unbearable workload, my working attitude would become very different.  Maybe all these crazy working hours were just “warm-up” exercises for me to get familiar with what a busy lifestyle is like, so I am getting mentally and physically ready for the coming of little ToTo!  :)

There is one thing I am sure – it’s all in His good hands.

Little ToTo at 12 weeks old.

瓦器內的寶貝

我們有這寶貝放在瓦器裏、要顯明這莫大的能力、是出於　神、不是出於我們。我們四面受敵、卻不被困住．心裏作難、卻不至失望．遭逼迫、卻不被丟棄．打倒了、卻不至死亡．身上常帶著耶穌的死、使耶穌的生、也顯明在我們身上。

~歌林多後書4:7-10~

我的生命，是一盞漂亮但不能發光的燈台，抑或是能夠在軟弱中散發出上帝的光采？

願主叫我時刻緊記有祂這寶貝活在我這個本來就一無是處的瓦器內。

學習感恩

今天中午在401開車時親眼目睹一宗交通意外。當時交通不算繁忙，車子都保持著安全距離以正常速度行駛；忽然間，一輛小型客貨車從右前方閃出，並意圖向左方轉線，心想：以當時的車速及我跟前面車子的距離，前方應該沒有足夠空間讓他切入的。於是我下意識地收油，並作好剎車準備。說時遲，那時快，小型客貨車已狠狠地撞向前方車子的尾部，頓時碎片橫飛！幸好我已減速，不致被碎片打中，可憐前面被撞的車子尾燈盡毀，雖然被撞後有少許失控，但總算能安全地靠邊停下，小型客貨車在碰撞後也靠邊停下來。還好當時附近車子不多，不然，這種意外發生在高速公路上是可以很嚴重的。

其實在前一路段中，我已留意到這輛小型客貨車在行駛時左搖右擺的，不知道司機是喝醉酒還是在打磕睡，唯有避之則吉，滿以為自己已離他很遠，誰知道意外就發生在我眼前，腎上腺素一下子的衝擊已足夠提醒我開車要打醒十二分精神！

心神稍為安定下來後，心裡滿是感恩。心想：假如我的車子開快三秒鐘的話，被撞的可能是我。其實那位被撞的仁兄也很無辜，要是我反應快一點的話，可能來得及晌銨提醒前面的車子小心防避一下，意外就可能不會發生，想到這裡，心內不禁有點兒內咎......

我為著能「避過一劫」而感恩，這種心態並沒有甚麼不妥，但深入一點去想：如果我是被撞的那位的話，我還能心存感恩嗎？極可能我早已破口大罵，怨天尤人為何我那麼倒霉！？

保羅說：「要常常喜樂；不住的禱告；凡事謝恩；因為這是上帝在基督耶穌裡向你們所定的旨意。」（帖前5：16-18）「凡事謝恩」，就是無論在順境或逆境中都要存感謝上帝恩典的心。我們活在這個物質豐富的社會中，很容易會把生活中的平穩安舒都視作理所當然，能夠在順境中懂得感恩，已是難能可貴，更遑論在逆境中仍存感恩的心！

可能中國人對「拜得神多自有神庇祐」這個觀念已是根深蒂固，以致我們很多時候只會為得著了某些東西而感恩，也很容易為著在困境當中尋找到出路而獻上感恩。不是說這樣的感恩有甚麼不好，祗是，基督徒真正的感恩不應只停留於此；要是我們處於逆境當中而又苦無對策時，只懂呼天叫地求問神「為甚麼？」或「為甚麼會是我？」，到最終聳聳肩無奈接受「神有祂的心意」的話，試問這樣的態度跟拜偶像有甚麼分別？

要存感恩的心去面對逆境，除非有上帝的恩典在其中，否則真的很難做到。同時，能夠在逆境中感恩也表明我們信得過上帝的帶領，因為「我們曉得萬事都互相效力，叫愛神的人得益處。」（羅馬書8：28）

「凡事謝恩」是一生難學的功課，盼望我真的能夠學習和實踐。

敬拜 180

今天參加了台北新生命小組教會的崇拜聚會；雖然崇拜要到10:30am才開始，很多會眾在10:00am時已經進場了，到10:20am時，會場內更是座無虛設! 大家都懷著雀躍的心情急不及待的要來敬拜上帝，如此熱切的態度，叫我十分欣賞。

三個小時的崇拜中，包括了差不多一個小時的詩歌敬拜，45分鐘的洗禮（這邊是每星期都有洗禮的!）、弟兄姊妹上台分享生命被神改造的見證，及奉獻信息分享，然後有大約一個小時的講道信息，再加上最後15分鐘的回應詩歌；長是長了一點，但大家都很投入在其中，絲毫沒有疲倦的意思。

主任牧師顧其芸牧師一身的打扮很入時，跟出入西門町的青少年打扮沒有兩樣：挑染了的頭髮、花襯衫、有破口的牛仔褲、以及銀色的尖頭鞋，都可以在站在講台上的顧牧師身上找得到，聽岳母說他這身的打扮，完全是為了投入青少年事工的緣故。顧牧師的講道很誠懇，也很直接，可能教會大部分都是年青人的關係，顧牧師的信息都有很語重深長的勸勉，也會在講台上直斥某些會眾的不是！然而，會眾看來也很受落，沒有什麼反感的反應，可以看得出顧牧師是很受會眾們的愛護和尊重的。

然而，叫我印象最深刻的，要算是崇拜開始時敬拜小組帶領會眾唱詩的情景了，當中不祇是坐在前排的會眾，就連坐在中間、後排、兩旁、及樓上樓下的弟兄姊妹都不約而同地一邊高舉雙手一邊興奮地跳著唱詩讚美神，場面非常震撼！由於他們唱的詩歌我都沒有聽過，所以只能慢慢地跟著學著唱，雖然內斂的我一時間未能像他們同樣地投入，這份熱情及倒空自我的敬拜已深深觸動了我。在我印象中，這麼熱烈的敬拜只有在一些大型聯合教會的聚會才會出現的，但在這裡卻是每個星期都在進行中！然而，我內心卻不禁起了一個疑問：他們如此熱情的敬拜，是因為每個人都深深體會到上帝的偉大而獻上發自內心的讚美，還是純粹被四周熱鬧的氣氛牽引著而投入其中呢？

其實，我也不必太費心去質疑那麼多，畢竟敬拜並不在乎我們外在行為如何表達，而是在乎敬拜者個人與主的關係，以及是否以心靈和誠實來到上帝面前，我們每個人的內心怎樣，只有全能的上帝才凊楚明白的；更何況我們信仰的重點不祇在於週末來到教會裡敬拜上帝，更重要的是，當我們週日回到我們日常生活岡位上，在作每一個決定及做每一件事情的時候，是否也同樣地抱著敬拜上帝的心來作。想到這裡，腦海中不其然響起了一首熟悉的詩歌：

神阿、求你鑒察我、知道我的心思、試煉我、知道我的意念。看在我裏面有甚麼惡行沒有、引導我走永生的道路。

詩 篇139：23-34

願神不只叫我享受與祂親近的時候，更讓我生活有力，表裡一致的在日常生活中實踐主耶穌的教訓，成為一個活生生的祭獻給上帝，AMEN。

By Faith

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

~Hebrew 11:6~

The sermon by Dr. Brian Stiller today had given me a refreshed understanding on this verse. I’ve always had this concept: in order to please God, we should always do this and do that, and it always involves seeking God’s will and taking actions. I almost missed the point that God will also be pleased with us by having faith in Him. However, I found it hard to understand in the first place, but Dr. Stiller had illustrated this point clearly with an example – when Dr. Stiller was having fun with his grandson by throwing him up in the air and catching him when he fell down, he had such a great joy in his heart by seeing that his grandson had faith in him that he would catch him safely! The little baby trusted him totally, without any worries, and was having lots of fun! In the same way, it reminds me that God would be pleased with us if we put our trust and faith in Him, because He cares so much about us and wants us to be able to count on Him, and have “fun” (or joy) in our lives instead of putting all the burden and worries on our own shoulders.

However, how can I have faith in God? It is something easier to say than put into practice. Well, here is another evidence of God’s great timing – it just happened that our fellowship had group devotion on Psalms 42 last Friday, and I had deep thoughts on verses 5 and 11. Repeatedly, it says:

Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

~Psalms 42: 5 &11~

I think... if I can still find strength to praise God during hardships, my worries will no longer occupy my heart, as it will be filled with peace! By focusing more on the greatness of our Lord and less on my own problems, I would still be able to praise God even in downfalls, and I would have less of worries, because in some ways, I believe that God’s grace is sufficient to carry me through. I think today’s sermon has given me a very good reminder and conclusion to my thoughts on Psalms 42. To please God (one of our life goals as a Christian), I should first learn to put my trust in Him more, and the end results would be:

1. more joy and less worries within my heart, and

2. God becomes more pleased!

May this reminder continues to keep me from relying on my own strength and learn to rely more on God!

安歇甦醒以後

耶和華是我的牧者．我必不至缺乏。

他使我躺臥在青草地上、領我在可安歇的水邊。

他使我的靈魂甦醒、為自己的名引導我走義路。

~ 詩 篇23：1-3 ~

每次讀這段詩篇時，總是帶給我極大的安慰；尤其在過去的十年，在工作以上再抽時間準備 P.Eng. 的考試實在叫我有點吃不消，曾經多次想半途放棄！然而，這段經文總是有意無意的在我腦海中浮現，讓我繃緊的神經得到舒緩，給了我不少回氣的空間，叫我逐漸麻木和昏睡的心靈多次得以甦醒。再加上太太一次又一次的鼓勵，總算撐了過去，上月底終於完成最後一科的technical exam了!

再讀這段詩篇時，心情已完全不一樣；雖然工作依然繁重，少了考試的壓力實在使我的擔子輕省不少，更讓我在這段經文中注意到：神除了給予我們可安歇的空間，叫我們從迷失中甦醒過來外，祂更要「為自己的名引導我走義路」。關啟文在「安歇與甦醒」一文中有很好的提醒：

「當我們心靈甦醒過來，或許會發覺自己在昏睡時已經迷失方向，不知走到哪裡了。如聖經所說：「我們都如羊走迷、各人偏行己路。」（賽53：6）一個真正甦醒的靈魂，會甘心走神所引導的路，也明白這是為了神的名，而不是他個人的名。他知道生命是為了神的榮耀，而不是他的舒適。當他願意為神的名走神的路，他會一無所缺。正如牧羊人比羊更凊楚那裡可找到青草和水，同樣，只有上帝真正知道我們走甚麼路才可找到生命的滿足。原來，神的榮耀同時也是我們生命的成全。」

我想，從前確實花了很多時間在準備考試的事情上，以至錯過了很多裝備自己的機會，看來，現在是時候急起直追，好使自己能更有力走上這條「義路」。四年前從台灣搜羅了一大堆的屬靈書籍至今仍是漂漂亮亮的存放在書架上，現在也應該好好讀一下了。畢竟，書是用來讀，不是用來放著好看的！